In a deeply moving conversation on Amy Poehler's 'Good Hang' podcast, actress Aubrey Plaza shared her profound insights into the experience of grief, likening it to an ever-present, daunting chasm. Her candid reflections shed light on the pervasive nature of loss following the death of her husband, Jeff Baena. Plaza's analogy, while seemingly simple, effectively conveys the constant proximity and overwhelming presence of sorrow, a sentiment that resonates with anyone who has navigated the complexities of mourning.

During the podcast, Poehler initiated the discussion by acknowledging the immense tragedy Plaza had endured, referencing the loss of her husband earlier in the year. Plaza, at 41, spoke openly about her ongoing journey, emphasizing that while she is functional and grateful to be moving forward, the struggle is a daily reality. This honest admission underscores the persistent effort required to cope with profound loss, highlighting that healing is rarely a linear process.

The discussion took a particularly illustrative turn when Plaza introduced her unique metaphor for grief, drawing a parallel to the 2025 film, 'The Gorge.' She described a scene featuring a vast chasm filled with menacing creatures, and explained how this visual perfectly encapsulated her own experience with sorrow. For Plaza, grief is like an immense ocean of anguish, perpetually within her sight. She articulated the fluctuating desire to either fully immerse herself in this ocean of pain or to distance herself from it, yet acknowledging its ceaseless presence.

Plaza's analogy profoundly illustrates that grief is not a static state but a dynamic, pervasive force. Her description of the "ocean of awfulness" that is "always there" offers a vivid depiction of how bereavement can loom over one's life, even amidst moments of functionality. This powerful imagery provides a relatable framework for understanding the relentless and often unpredictable nature of the grieving process, where moments of peace can quickly give way to overwhelming waves of sadness.

Aubrey Plaza's brave and transparent discussion offers a powerful testament to the ongoing and deeply personal battle with grief. Her analogy of the ever-present gorge provides a compelling and insightful framework for understanding the enduring impact of loss. Despite the immense challenges, her ability to articulate such a complex emotional state with clarity and vulnerability offers solace and recognition to others navigating similar journeys.

Embracing the Vehicular Veil: A Mother's Private Emotional Haven

The Enigma of Automotive Tears: A Universal Maternal Experience

Many individuals have experienced the moment of pulling into their driveway, yet lingering in their vehicle. Perhaps a challenging day at work, coupled with the anticipation of domestic responsibilities, triggers an overwhelming wave of emotion. This scenario often culminates in tears shed within the confines of the car. The question arises: why do so many mothers find themselves crying in their vehicles? It's more than mere timing; there's a unique aspect to being seated in the front, engine off, that invites an emotional release. If finding tranquility by simply gazing at a wall can be a form of contemplation, then certainly a heartfelt cry behind the steering wheel can be considered a therapeutic interlude.

Expert Consensus: Car Crying is a Normal Maternal Response

Interviews with numerous mental health specialists consistently confirm that mothers shedding tears in their cars is a perfectly typical occurrence. This reassures us that this experience is far from isolated. But what drives this shared behavior among mothers?

Dr. Rachel Proujansky, a clinical psychologist and recent mother, explains, "Mothers often feel a sense of safety to cry in their cars because it's one of the rare instances and locations where they can truly be alone, liberated from the demands and expectations of others—be it children, partners, colleagues, or even passersby." She emphasizes that this personal space provides an opportunity to acknowledge one's feelings, which can sometimes reveal underlying sadness or overwhelming emotions. Dr. Katie Carhart adds, "As a clinical psychologist and a mother of two, I believe we often avoid emotional breakdowns at home to prevent our children from worrying or absorbing our feelings. The car offers a convenient, private moment to release pent-up emotions. Thus, we not only manage significant mental burdens and absorb household emotions, but we also strive to shield our families from these stresses."

Audrey Schoen, a licensed marriage and family therapist and mother, notes that crying in the car frequently coincides with moments of transition. "Dropping off children at school or daycare, or moving from home to work and back again—these transitional periods can be tough," she states. "This difficulty can stem from children's emotional deregulation or from a contrast between desired and actual circumstances." During these car moments, distractions are absent, compelling mothers to confront their emotions directly. "It's one of the rare times we are compelled to be still and alone, without screens, children, or household chores. In these tranquil moments, all accumulated stress and emotions tend to surface."

Distinguishing Normal Car Crying from Deeper Concerns

If crying in your car is a regular occurrence for you, it's generally not a cause for alarm. Dr. Proujansky suggests that recognizing and understanding our emotions provides valuable insight into what aspects of our lives are functioning well or need adjustment. Moreover, it's unrealistic to expect perpetual happiness, especially within a society that frequently overlooks the needs of mothers.

She further ponders, "Another crucial aspect of 'normalcy' is to consider how much of this behavior is shaped by societal treatment of women, particularly mothers." While mothers' emotional responses to ongoing stressors are often natural, it becomes essential to examine the societal frameworks that lead so many mothers to cry in their cars. "The immense financial, logistical, and caregiving responsibilities placed upon mothers are, in my view, far from normal."

When Tears Signal a Greater Need: Recognizing the Limits of Self-Soothing

Individuals have varying thresholds for tears. Understanding your personal emotional baseline is key. If you find yourself crying more frequently than usual in your car, it might indicate a need for more personal time and space to process emotions and seek support, as Dr. Proujansky advises.

Carhart emphasizes the importance of addressing this, stating, "Research indicates that a mother's well-being significantly impacts her children's welfare and the overall family dynamic." She suggests strengthening your support network, collaborating with your partner to distribute mental burdens, and consistently setting aside dedicated time for yourself. This could involve 15 minutes of reading before sleep, a non-negotiable solo walk each weekend, or engaging in a new creative pursuit to replace aimless scrolling.

All three experts concur that if you observe additional indicators of depression, professional assistance should be sought promptly to restore your sense of self. According to the Cleveland Clinic, common symptoms include persistent sadness or hopelessness, loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, difficulty concentrating, and pervasive fatigue or low energy.

Proujansky warns, "I would be concerned if crying persisted almost all day, every day, accompanied by anxiety, extreme exhaustion, profound guilt, self-harm, or suicidal ideations."

However, if it's simply a challenging day and you need to release emotions before stepping out of your car, then honor that need. Allow yourself that moment of peace. Your children will still be there, full of energy, when you re-enter the house a few minutes later.